RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
All the doctor said was why
Congratulations! We have a period
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
