I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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