I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
