dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.