I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
now i know why i became what i already was.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.