farters have to be the big spoon...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
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Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
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I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit