I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life