Do you still have your period?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM