Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.