The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated