Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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