he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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