In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
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He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
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You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.