did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Enjoy the penises
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown