so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.