He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
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Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
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Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.