I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
about cumming, not toast