I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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