True but thats because hes a fetus.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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