from now on my penis is your penis
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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