I cannot find my penis.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
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If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
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I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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