did you get engaged???
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
