I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
