I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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