i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome