i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???