I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.