I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.