so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.