about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
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well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
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Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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