so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize