the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
