It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
