I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize