when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
