Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
