party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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