just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
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I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
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What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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