Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize