The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize