I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize