From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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