I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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