Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm always down for nudity.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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