my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize