Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
