Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
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I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize