Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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