Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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