mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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