I love black thongs
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
