Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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