i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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