She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize