I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
