Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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