We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.