i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My dick has a subreddit
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.