so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
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You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
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I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.