someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
