Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
