Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
