oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
