Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
