He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
