Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
